I went into this summer without many expectations. I've gone to camp with the middle schoolers for four years now, so I wasn't new to any of it. I was in youth group with these kiddos, taught them in VBS, and actually used to babysit a few of them. So, I assumed this summer would just be a combination of all of my past experiences: hanging out, making sure no one gets hurt, and handing them back over to their parents after about 2 hours. Don't you just love when God laughs at your ideas? Yeah... Me too...
This summer was one of the hardest things ever. And probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Through all the chaos and all the uncertainty, God was constantly speaking peace into my heart saying, "Yes, child, this is what I want for you!! Don't you want it, too?!" And no matter how bad the day had gone or how many students had given me the stank eye, the answer was always a resounding "YES! YES!"
Luckily, I was so blessed to have two other interns there with me. Two amazing, godly, older ladies who guided me, and cried with me, and laughed with me and loved on me. Without them and their constant prayer, texts, and silly vine videos... Well, this summer would have been even harder!! I can't thank the Lord enough for the gift of their mentorship, friendship, and sisterhood. Not only were we blessed to have each other, we were also blessed to work under two extremely God-centered men who loved the Lord and their students with such passion... you just had to get on board with them!!
But like I said, this summer was hard. Working with middle schoolers, it's easy for people pass you off as simply a "babysitter" for some teenagers. People always seem to forget how hard middle school actually was... All of the changes-- physical and emotional-- that you go through in that time and the pressure and stress that comes from all of this!! Sometimes you get so bogged down by the hurt of your students and the busyness of a summer schedule that you just want to scream and run away!! And on top of all of that, you have parents, friends, and family that just think of you as a "professional babysitter" and don't take the time to ask you about your students or even how your day is going. So yeah, it gets lonely sometimes...
So many times I found myself thinking this summer, "What I'm doing doesn't actually matter... No one notices, no one cares... I can't remember the last time I heard a thank you!... Why am I working so hard at something if no one is even going to care or pay attention?! WHAT'S THE POINT?!" The point... The point is this: at the height of my discouragement, my hopeless self-pitying... the Lord whispered into my heart, "since when is this supposed to be about you?" BOOM!! Bricks. In the face. The Lord hit me in the face with bricks. I was making my ministry to these students MY ministry: not God working through me to breathe life into these students. Whoa! Selfish alert!! I spent so much time worrying about what people thought about what I was doing, that I didn't have time to listen for what GOD was doing and get involved in that... What a waste of time!! Ministry is never about me and who notices me and who wants to be like me... It's who sees CHRIST through me. It's better to be "that one chick that told me about Jesus" than "Shelby Elizabeth Clark, the girl who hung out with me for the summer!!" In the end, which has a kingdom impact? Granted, the Lord can work through my selfishness... But He can work even more through my humility. ;)
I was having this super terrible day towards the end of the summer. I was struggling hardcore with feeling needed or even feeling like I did a gosh darned thing to help these kids all summer when one of my sweet little 6th graders, Shelby(great name, right?!), came up and handed me a note. She told me to put it in my pocket and read it later when I was alone. Well, when I got home that night... the Lord showed off. ;) I opened up this precious note from my even more precious student and started reading about how she had been looking up to me before we had ever met. That through my testimony, she was able to find her worth in the Lord and know for sure that she is His-- that she is made beautifully and wonderfully. And there, on my knees, on the floor of my bedroom... I thanked the Lord. I praised Him for every hard day. For every tear that had slid down my cheeks. It was ALL worth it! Every single bead of sweat. Every folded t-shirt, painted sign, organized closet, alphabetized paperwork, EVERY task was worth it: just for that one sweet girl to know how truly loved she is. How beautiful... God just really is amazing, you know?
I am so humbled that the Lord chose me to work with this age group. What an opportunity!! He sought me when I was an awkward teenager and hasn't stop pursuing me since... What better way to serve Him than to share the story He has given me and lead others to His beautiful presence. I count myself blessed every day for the wonderful opportunities I get to hang out with and mentor and disciple these beautiful students. I miss my First Mustangers every day, but I know the Lord has great things planned for them in my absence... I am just so so blessed to have been there for them this summer. :)
Shelby
Matthew 19:30
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